It wasn't DEPRESSION it was the MEDICINE
For three years I dealt with serious depression. I hated myself and my life. Not to mention, I was paralyzed all because someone told a lie…
I hated my friends, family and most deeply, myself. It was a tough time. And I just knew that gun I held to my head every night was going to end everything whenever I had the courage to pull the damn trigger. It was so hard being myself, I couldn’t even think straight. Never would I have thought I would know what losing my mind felt like, but damn it was almost gone.
Now let me explain.
After being shot and finding out I would be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of my life, I left the hospital on about 14 different medications. I mean, I had medicine for blood pressure, nerve pain, bowels, and even medicine to help with other medicine. Like, who would have thought the pain medicine you use would need other medicine to help it work? Talk about being spaced the fuck out—dude, I was out of the universe. When people looked at me, you could tell something was wrong and I had a serious issue. And all along I was living my life on the edge of meds.
My journey down medicine road was a dangerous one. I popped pills for chronic pain and nerve pain daily. It was to the point I would see a pain management doctor who didn’t do anything to manage my pain except up the milligrams on my current meds so I could roll around like a dead person. It’s sad to know that when you are at a low point in life, some doctors will use it to their advantage for money. I know some people will be against what I say, but look here—if you look at my life now, completely medicine free, and compare it to life back then, you will understand why I’m saying this.
I literally went to different doctors to get different opinions, and you know what? I got more medicine. My mind was so damaged that I had become an addict. I HAD to get my fill every moment of the day. My pain would be so bad that I would yell at people around me to get the meds needed to calm the pain down. Here’s the kicker—it would literally take the meds 30 minutes to an hour just to work. Bruhhhhhhhhhhhh. This is why I wanted to kill myself every damn day.
The medicine would have me feeling so sluggish I would never even leave the house. When I did, I felt like shit and looked the same way. People would ask me, “Are you ok?” That drove me nuts. It was a constant reminder that I wasn’t.
I’m not a medical professional at all, but I can tell you this, the moment I got off my meds, I became me again. The meds took over my thought process and instead of me being thoughtful in making decisions, I made quick decisions because of my cloudy mind.
How did I get off the meds?
Well after years of anger, my daughter’s God Mom, “Kino,” couldn’t bare seeing me so defeated. She began to look up the side effects of all the meds I was taking. Crazy, every side effect listed on my meds I literally just explained above.
That was enough. I was done. Luckily, I have a level of discipline that allows me to follow through with any decision I make. My decision was to leave those meds alone and get my life back. I started educating myself on natural healing and found out FOOD was the best medicine on the market. Yea, I said it—FOOD!
With all the health complications I was dealing with, and this new knowledge, I went to school to be a registered dietician. Granted, I didn’t finish school. (It really wasn’t my thing.) But what I did gain from all of it was a newfound respect for FOOD. The journey to be a better me had just begun. See x blog post if you want to know more about that process.
It’s crazy what we can put ourselves through when our minds aren’t operating clearly.
Three years of my life as a paraplegic sucked. My new reality was a constant reminder that my whole life had sucked even before my accident. Crazy, right? But here I am entering year seven and I’ve never felt better. My mind is clear, my body is nourished, and my soul is on fire.
My life has elevated to a high frequency, and I give it all to my healthy mind and lifestyle.
Disclaimer: This was a write up of my personal thoughts and experiences. If you are going through depression and think your medicine could be the cause, consult with a medical professional. Don’t just take my word for it.